SUPPORT

or at least the lack of support

I am trying to remember, trying to feel, inside I am screaming. People don’t seem to hear, how can it be that they don’t hear me? They look at me, look through me as if I am not even there! I am screaming for life, without anyone witnessing it!

Spent the last days I daydreaming about jumping off a cliff, I really wanna jump, leave everything behind, be free, no troubles no problems, just be free.

I am Not what you see and I am definitly Not what they say

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When nothing matters and everything’s meaningless,

when the world is turning but you stand still,

when you’re invisible but there

when your heart’s beating, but you don’t feel alive

when . . .

when everything ends

when you’re done

when the pain goes away

when you just are

when . . .

9/11

Today I watched „Tiger Cruise“, I had to hold my tears back through out the entire movie! It’s weird how often I think about that day – 9/11, the day that changed the world.

For my generation this is the day we’ll always remember, or at least I will always know what I did on that day!

I might not have been in NY, not even in the States, but I was there, with all my heart. I was sitting in front of the TV, at the innocent age of 12, watching these planes crashing into the Twin Towers. I still know what I thought while I saw it. I was 12, to be honest at that moment I didn’t relize what it would mean to the world.

I’m trying to find words to describe my feelings, to share a little bit of myself with the world (not that I would believe, anyones reading this!), but no matter how many years have gone by, no matter how many books I read, how many movies I watch, nothing can make me understand it! (does that sound stupid, feels like I’m just writing thoughts – not sentences)

There is so much in this world that I don’t understand, so much hate! I wish someone would stand up and say „Let’s make a difference – together“. Maybe I should step forward and be that person but I guess I am to scared.

I think we are in the middle of World War III and that’s a very sad thought, because when I look around, no one seems to care or even notice.

Anyway I kind a lost the topic, maybe I’ll write another one on WW III (even if no one ever reads that, it makes me feel better that I at least tried to share my thoughts with others!)

So . . .

I think an important thing in a relationship, in any relationship a friendship or marriage or whatever, is that you’re able to say >I’m sorry<. Why is it so hard for some people to admit that they were wrong about something, that they made a mistake?

I’m stubborn and hot-tempered, but I know when I made a mistake and I don’t have a problem admitting that! But I guess some people, and experience showes me that it’s almost always someone spoiled (or an only child) who can’t acknowledge their faults, are too cocky!

I’m not saying that people should tiptoe around each other, if you have something to say – say it, if you’re wrong – apologize. What’s the big deal?

Whatever …